Courtesy of Dave Jacoby: The Tsar of Reality TV

“Cocaine is not clam chowder”

I’m no coke connoisseur but I am quite certain that Mr. Jacoby is right.

http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywood-prospectus/post/_/id/619/reality-tv-fantasy-league-scorecard-tami-romans-parents-to-blame-for-a-big-night

Bananas are the best fruit. They come with their own wrappers. NO MESS TO WORRY ABOUT!!! ;-p

If you are meeting up with someone from craigslist to buy/sell something; always bring a buddy. That way if the person is a murderer at least it’s 2 vs 1.

Hey college co-eds. If a guy invites you into his dorm room to “listen to some music”, homeboy wants to get down in a biblical sense. Not sit quietly and listen to Spoon’s new single. Wise the fuck up.

Always carry gum and cash. If you smoke, carry those as well. That shit is just smart. Whenever you have these, people will talk to you. Granted they will be hitting you up for one, or all of the above, but hey it’s a conversation starter. Before you were just some jerk who no one wanted to talk to.

I’m glad I could help you deal with your post goat stress

If you are a man and you go wedding dress shopping with your wife to be; you are gay.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I heard this in my office today but that doesn’t make it less true.

They will never catch Whitey Bulg……..oh wait. Never mind.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-13885270

If you think beards “aren’t cool”. You’re wrong. So very, very, wrong.

If you are watching amateur porn in hopes of seeing someone you knew in high school, you are better off going to the local Russian Mafia run strip club.

No really.